Browsing Tag

singles

What to do when you feel LONELY?

mountain sunrise with lone hiker 

Do you ever feel isolated or alone?

Whether you are single or married, we live in a time when people are more disconnected than ever.

How can you feel more connected?

The Importance of Connection
We need to connect with other people. In fact, having good, solid relationships reduces stress and improves joy!

Getting together with like-minded people can give you a sense of belonging. Plus, we learn and grow from our relationships with others.

Here’s an interesting example of connection from nature.

In an aspen grove, all of the aspen trees are connected—but underground. While the individual trees stand alone, they are literally “one organism” because their entire root system is intertwined.

Likewise, we need community and connection with others in order to thrive.

Social media is a great way to connect with others, but it may limit a person’s face-to-face interactions and deeper friendships.

On social sites, we may go wide (have a lot of “friends”) but not go deep (have meaningful relationships).

We need relationships of all kinds—family, friends, community, or people we know from church, sports, or hobby groups.

When we choose to intertwine our lives with others we find emotional fulfillment and a heart that serves.

When we build bridges to other people, by connecting in person, and not living just a virtual life, we form connecting links. Friendships are forged, connecting one isolated person to another, and soon community is built.

Getting Connected
We were created to love and be loved. It’s vital to our emotional well-being. But having love in our lives goes beyond romantic love. We can also find fulfillment in the love of family, friends, and others as we learn to build community and connections.

Here are a few ways to build connections in different areas of life:

• Spiritual community with people at church, in a small group, prayer group, missions team, or one-on-one with someone like-minded.

• Social community through a book group, singles group, or coffee with friends.

• Intellectual community with people from work, joining a book group, or other group with people who have shared interests.

• Physical community in joining a sports team, dance class, or workout partner at the gym.

• Neighborhood community can be built be showing up at your local playground, having a neighborhood block party, or mentoring a disadvantaged youth.

• Virtual community is a way to connect with others, to be sure, but make sure it’s not your only connection with other people.

Connecting with God
Of course, the first connection is the most important one—and that’s our relationship with God. Through prayer, we can build a relationship with the One who loves us most.

Essentially, prayer is talking with God. It’s a holy conversation of both speaking and listening.

Your words don’t have to be perfect or rehearsed, just real and from your heart.

Tell God how you feel and what you need. Thank Him for all He has done for you and for those you love.

When you don’t know what to say, even the simple prayer of, “Help!” will reach the loving ears of God. He cares about your love life, your friendships, and your whole life.

Ask God to give you the courage to reach out to another person today or to bring positive, caring relationships into your life.

Make it a priority to make meaningful, in-person connections.

You’ll find yourself feeling less lonely and isolated, and more fulfilled and whole.

***

RESOURCES by Jackie M. Johnson

By
Share Tweet Pin it +1

When You’re Feeling Lonely: What to Do

Lonely woman

Years ago, I packed up my little red Honda and drove 1,000 miles across America’s heartland to start a new job in a new city.

I found a house to share with roommates, unpacked, and embarked on life in an unfamiliar place.

I loved the incredible view of Colorado’s Rocky Mountains and the friendly people. Yet, I ached for the comfort of people who had known me for years—or decades.

I missed my heart friends.

When I moved west, I left behind family, deeply-rooted friendships, and a church family I loved.

Granted, the move was my choice and I was happy about it. I was following God’s call. But, at the same time, my emotions were a swirling mixture of excitement, anticipation, and isolation.

My heart felt as barren as the miles of endless prairie on the Eastern Plains.

For the first time in my life, I was incredibly lonely.

Of course, you don’t have to move across the country by yourself to feel lonely.

You can be walking on a bustling city street or sitting at a crowded party and still feel disconnected from other people.

Many singles feel the sting of loneliness even more during the season between Thanksgiving and New Year’s because they long for a significant other or they can’t get home for the holidays. Or, sadly, they are disconnected from their family.

“Longing” is a word that comes to mind when I think about the feeling of loneliness.

You want something you don’t have; you yearn for connection.

Sometimes it’s the connection of a specific person you desire; at other times you just want someone to talk to.

Either way, you feel miserable.

Here’s the thing: We were created for companionship and crafted for relationships.

The desire within us to connect is healthy and good. We need connection and community.

In fact, my pastor once said that if God can separate you from authentic community then you’re easy prey for the enemy because you’re isolated and alone.

Resist the temptation to think that having a boyfriend or girlfriend will fill the holes in your heart, or that marriage is the answer to feeling alone.

Instead, set your course on the true and lasting satisfaction of putting God first—and letting God bring you His best as you seek to serve Him.

When I’m feeling lonely, here are some things I try to remember:

I may feel alone, but I’m not. Jesus said, “I am with you always…” (Matthew 28:20). He promised that He would never leave me. It’s good to know the One who loves me most is always there.

When I remember that I am promised God’s presence I find comfort and renewed hope.

The God who made the universe, who knows all things, who has all power and authority wants to be with me. That is mind-blowing good news. What a gift!

Ask God for more of His presence in your life. As your first connection, He is your best connection.

I need to be intentional about building community. Of course, solitude can be replenishing and we all need time to ourselves, but I strive to find balance between being alone and spending time with other people.

No matter how busy or bored we are, we all need live human contact—not just virtual community and online friends. I ask myself, what is one thing, even a small thing, I can do to connect with positive, life-giving people?

I need to find and fulfill my purpose. When I feel lonely, I try to remember the bigger picture in that God has a purpose for each of us. He didn’t create you and me for no reason.

So I try to get alone with God and ask Him what He’s calling me to do in this season of my life.

What has He uniquely crafted me to do and to be so I can make a difference—and be a light? There’ much to be done—people to serve and a world to be transformed. Even if it’s only my corner of the world. 

At times, feeling lonely can be a catalyst—the nudge I need to move forward in a new direction.

How about you? What will you do next? Even one small step will lead you away from loneliness and into hopefulness. 

Here’s to renewed connections and greater joy.

By
Share Tweet Pin it +1

Single? Great Posts For Dating, Relationships, and the Faith Life

 

If you’re single—never married, widowed, or divorced—you’ll love my new blog, LIVING SINGLE TODAY (Click on the link and scroll down to read the posts.)

With topics on dating, relationships, and living the faith life, this blog is packed with hope, encouragement, and good ideas for living wisely and well as a single person in the 21st century.

Here are just a few blog posts for SINGLE and SINGLE AGAIN readers I’ve created so far. Click on each title to read the post.

We also feature great guest posts, like these:

Looking for Love? It’s Not Too Late by Wendy Griffith from CBN News

Dealing with Grief in Your Widowhood Journey by Dr. Bart Brock

As a single person myself, I understand how hard it can be at times–and how wonderful it can be–to be single. 

So, check out my new LIVING SINGLE TODAY blog for singles of all ages. 

And be sure to tell a friend!

Jackie

By
Share Tweet Pin it +1

How to Help Singles in Your Church To Thrive

Today, there are more SINGLE adults in America than MARRIED people. About 50.2 percent (about 126 million) of us are not married.

So, what is the church doing to meet their needs?

Not enough.

That’s according to Gina Dalfonzo, author of One By One: Welcoming the Singles in Your Church (Baker Books, 2017). Here are a few thoughts from her book.

Singles feel lonely. While the church is a place to worship, connect and serve—a place to find community and fellowship—many singles find the church to be a lonely place.

Singles may feel “less than.” Some single adults feel overlooked because of their marital status. They feel unseen, forgotten or left out because there aren’t any small groups or programs for singles at their place of worship—especially for singles over age 40. At many churches, programming and events are centered on couples and families.

Perhaps you’ve heard some of these comments from well-meaning married folks at your church:

“So, when are you going to get married (or married again)?

“Why hasn’t some nice young man scooped you up?”

“You’re not getting any younger, you need to settle down.”

Yikes.

While these people may have good intentions, often singles are made to feel as if something is wrong with them if they are not married or don’t have kids.

And the truth is, single adults have infinite worth and value no matter what our marital status.

[Side note: I know dozens of wonderful Christian single women of all ages who would love to be married, but single men simply don’t ask them out. But that’s another blog post for another day.]

Dalfonzo, the author, is single herself and she is also pro-family. She writes:

“…families, especially families with children, are honored, encouraged, supported, and praised by the church. And that’s a good thing. Parents of young children are doing a tough and often thankless job…they need all the encouragement they can get. What the church doesn’t always understand is that single Christians need encouragement and support too.”

So what do you do with church singles whose ages may vary from 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond? How do you meet their needs for community and ensure they are growing in their faith?

How Married People Can Help Singles
Dalfonzo offers sage advice for married people—and for the church as a whole—on how to be more aware of and welcoming of singles.

First, it’s important for married people to remember that everyone who walks into church isn’t married with children. Some have never been married—whether they are a few years out of college or approaching retirement. Some single adults are divorced, separated or widowed—and may or may not have children. Dalfonzo says:

Look. Train yourself to see—really see—the single people in your church. Don’t ignore them as you make a beeline to talk to others who are just like you. Make it a point to look for them and look at them.

Listen. When you notice a single person at church, make the effort to go over and talk. And listen. Ask questions. Ask them how they are, or how you can pray for them. Meet up in the coffee area at church or invite them out for lunch sometime. Show you care.

Learn. You have to be willing to acknowledge that there are people in your church who are different from you, who have experiences and memories and points of view that may be very different. We can all learn from each other.

Love. Reach out in friendship to the single Christians around you. Help the church to incorporate their ideas and meet their needs. Ask a single adult over for coffee, for lunch or for a holiday meal. Demonstrate with actions the love of Christ for your single brothers and sisters in the church.

The church can see singles and love them as they are.

The church can restructure classes, groups, and activities to include both single and married people instead of keeping them apart—at least some of the time.

In the end, singles are not a problem to be dealt with, or a project to take care of. We want to be a valued as an integral part of the church whether we are age 35, 55 or 75.

Additionally, singles can get to know others in the church by serving alongside them in a ministry or a service project.

Single men and women can reach out to married people, too, and start a conversation or a friendship.

Single or married, we really do need each other.

Author Delfanzo summarizes with these thoughts:
“We need people in our lives who understand us…
but we also need people who are coming from
different backgrounds, stages of life, and points of view.
We need these people to help us broaden our perspective,
look at life from different angles…
and they need us too.”

For more posts by Jackie M. Johnson on singles topics, see her Living Single blog. And the “Growing a Better Life” blog on this website.

Photo: Priscilla De Preez, unsplash.com 

By
Share Tweet Pin it +1

Mother’s Day: Hope for the Single Woman Who Longs to be a Mom

Sunday is Mother’s Day in America. And this holiday can be tough for some women.

While some are buying roses or making a special dinner for their moms, you are missing yours. Maybe she has passed, or lives far away, or you’ve had a falling out. Whatever the reason, you won’t see her.

On the converse, maybe you had or have a great mom. She’s kind, caring, and nurturing. She listens to you and encourages you. She always wants the best for you. What a blessing! Cherish that.

However, if you are a single woman who really wants to be a mom herself, this holiday might be difficult for you as well.

To be sure, not every single woman wants to jump into the family life. But for the ones who really want to be a mom—and struggle with it—Mother’s Day can be a tough day. Others have what you want, a husband and a family, but it just hasn’t happened for you.

So what do you do with those feelings of disappointment, longing and sadness?

While you may not be a mom right now in the traditional sense, there are other ways to pour out all the love and nurture you have in your heart to others.

Here are a few examples.

You can be a spiritual mom to other women in your church or neighborhood. There could be a young mom who needs your ideas or feedback. You can be a listening ear. And a friend to her. It will bless your young friend and provide a way to express your nurturing or mothering ways.

You may be a godmother, a special person who is influential in the life of a niece, nephew or child of a friend. You can speak into his or her life words of wisdom, bring joy and laughter, or teach them a skill or craft. Mostly, you can just be their friend.

I am a godmother to a special girl who is now 12. I enjoy spending time with her and her siblings.


Of course, you don’t have to have the “godmother” title to pour into the lives of other kids—whether they are relatives, friends or kids in the church or community.

You can just be your wonderful self and bring your personality, your kind friendship to the life of a child.



Maybe you’re a pet mom. And you pour your love and attention into a furry (or not-so-furry) cat, dog, or other creature. It’s been said that “Pets are friends with fur.” If you don’t have a pet, this may be a good time to get one if you’ve got the love and care to give to a special animal.



This Mother’s Day, you can choose to:

Celebrate your own mom or her memory. Send a card or gift, or Facetime your mom if you can’t be together on this holiday.

Remember the mom you had, if she has passed, and all the wonderful things she had done.

If you’re not in a good place with your mom right now, ask God to help you forgive the hurt (or vice versa) and bring reconciliation.

Thank God for the present. Be grateful for “now.” Right now, you may be single and not have children. But that could change.

One day, you may have the husband and kids you desire and life will look very different. Cherish the time you have now.

And if that does not happen for you, God will give you peace and purpose in the life that unfolds for you in the years to come.

Ask God for the desires of your heart. If you truly want a family, ask God and pray about it. Continue to develop the skills of good communication, listening, and patience. You will need them in life—family or not.

We can come boldly and humble to the throne of God and ask for what we need, and in His infinite love and mercy He will answer. In His way and timing.

Children or no children, I believe God will give you the best life for you to accomplish His good purposes.

So, Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms and moms-of-another kind!

Blessings and joy to you on this special day.

Jackie

 

Photo credits: Woman with child. Photo by Tamara Bellis and all other photos, Jackie M. Johnson. 

By
Share Tweet Pin it +1