single Archives - Jackie M. Johnson

Single? 5 Ways to Be Happy Now

Why am I still single?

Why don’t I get asked out?

Will I ever find lasting love?

Perhaps you know people in the “uncoupled” stage of life who bemoan their single status and gripe to just about anyone who will listen.

Maybe you are one of them.

It’s good to ask the questions. Then explore why you’re single and take positive action.

If you don’t have a special someone in your life right now, and you’re wondering why you’re single, there’s probably a good reason.

Here are just a few things that could be keeping you from a romantic love relationship:

You’re not ready.
You’re too busy with work, or other things right now.
You’re afraid of commitment.
You keep choosing people who are unavailable or emotionally unhealthy.
Or, you just haven’t met the right person yet—the best fit for you.

If you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and you desire that, you can choose to enjoy this single season of life or simply endure it.

Check out these five (5) helpful ways to find more peace—and perspective—in this solo time.

1. Have hope. It’s OK to feel discouraged when you don’t have someone special in your life. But don’t dwell on it. Move forward with anticipation that things really could change. We can have peace because God has a plan. Trust His perfect timing.

2. Surrender. Sometimes we hold on so tightly to what we think we want in a relationship. But it never seems to work out. I’ve learned that peace comes through surrender, yielding to God, and allowing Him to reign my love life and my whole life. God is constantly working—even when we cannot see it or feel it.

3. Prepare. Are you ready to be in a relationship? Maybe it’s time to get rid of things that are holding you back—like a critical spirit or commitment issues. Think about what you really want and how things can be different next time. The more emotionally healthy you are, the more likely you’ll be to connect with someone in a healthy and lasting relationship.

4. Pray. God cares about your love life. Pray for your future boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife—before you even meet. Tell God your heart’s desires and ask Him for wisdom in this important decision.

5. Choose joy now. Don’t wait to have a significant other in your life to be happy. Despite circumstances, you can choose joy today—and, with God’s power and strength in you, you can live with hope and peace.

By Jackie M. Johnson

Single? Here’s an Inspiring New Blog from Jackie M. Johnson

Hi from Jackie!

Are you single or single again?

Do you know someone who is?

Check out my new blog for singles of all ages, LIVING SINGLE TODAY on Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk website.

Whether you’re never married, divorced, or widowed, you’ll find inspiring and helpful content on dating, relationships, and living the faith life—and your whole life—with purpose, hope, and joy!

Here’ what you can do:

• Sign up now to receive the FREE “5-day encouragement for singles” series.

• Forward this to friends or family members so they can sign up for the encouragement email series AND read inspiring posts on the website. (When you click on the link, scroll down and you’ll see the posts.)

• Comment and interact when LIVING SINGLE TODAY posts are posted Facebook—starting Monday, January 22 on the Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk Facebook page.

My hope is that the LIVING SINGLE TODAY blog will help, encourage, and bless everyone who reads it. For God’s glory.

Blessings and joy,
Jackie

By Jackie M. Johnson

Single Over the Holidays: 3 Great Ways to Find Joy!

Ah, the holidays!

It’s the time of year when singles are more intensely aware of their singleness.

If you’re unmarried, most likely you’ve had to dodge that perennial question from prying relatives or friends at holiday gatherings:

“So, why are you still single?”

Or, maybe you’ve had to deal with the office holiday party dilemma when you don’t have a date, and the “plus one” on the e-vite blinks at you like tree lights gone awry.

For some singles, the Christmas season tends to exaggerate feelings that have been simmering all year long.

It’s a time to connect with loved ones and you feel anything but connected. Suddenly everyone around you seems to have a significant other or spouse and you feel so very solo.

Solitary. Alone.

Then there’s the sting when a pastor closes the Christmas Eve service with an admonishment to “Go and spend time with your families.”

Yeah, thanks, but I don’t have one.

Of course, some people have their family of origin—their parents and siblings—with whom they gather for the holidays.

But for others the cost to travel home for the holiday is simply unaffordable. Or, they don’t get along with some of their family members.

I get it.

It’s not always easy to see happy couples kissing under the mistletoe or walking arm in arm down a snowy sidewalk—laughing all the way—to who knows where.

So how can you enjoy, not just endure the Christmas season?

Here are three (3) great ways to consider to find more JOY in the season:

1. Change your perspective. If you are feeling lonely or blue, try to refocus attention away from self and onto the Savior. Ask him to lighten your mood.

You may feel sad or other emotions—and you have a right to your feelings. But don’t set up camp there; don’t stay there. Feel the pain, ask God to heal your heart, and then move forward allowing God to heal you in His timing.

Indeed, changes may not happen overnight. Surely, there is a time to grieve or feel miserable. But there is also a time to wipe away the tears, put on your coat, and go build new Christmas memories.

Oftentimes, the joy returns and new hope arises.

2. Find “family” where you can if yours is not available. My single friend Denise has often hosted a Christmas Day dinner for singles who have no place to go for the holiday. Or, have a gathering with friends and celebrate the season together.

3. Give and serve others. Doing things for others will bring JOY, not only to the people you help, but also to you!

Sharing a smile or a hello with your coffee barista or the clerk at the dry cleaning counter can make a difference. Some folks I know go to a local nursing home to sing Christmas carols or go to a local soup kitchen to serve food and spend time with those who are often forgotten.

3. Most importantly, draw near to the reason for the season: Jesus Christ. Reflect on the true meaning of Christmas and why we celebrate.

Remember the true story of the Christ child, the Son of God, who came to save the world and teach us how to love and have a better life. (Read Matthew 1 or Luke 2.)

Discover the love that changes everything. And you just may be amazed at what happens.

Instead of bemoaning your current state of singleness you can make new choices.

May God invade your heart with JOY—at Christmas and all the year through.

Merry Christmas!

By Jackie M. Johnson

Valentine’s Day for Singles: How to Enjoy, Not Just Endure the Love Holiday

It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re alone. No special someone. No romantic relationship.

But your “single” status doesn’t mean you have to be sad or discouraged on February 14.

Don’t let one candy-infused, heart holiday hijack your hope.

Surprisingly, you can enjoy, not just endure Valentine’s Day, when you choose a new perspective on the annual heart holiday.

Sure, traditionally, Valentine’s Day has been a celebration of love and romance. But is all love “romantic love”? What about the other kinds of love? What if we chose to celebrate those too?

Here’s the thing: the word “LOVE,” in the English language is all encompassing.

We love pizza.
We love our pets.
We love our family.
And, if we have a significant other, we may love them too.

However, the Greek language defines different kinds of love in our lives.

Eros – romantic love
Phileo – friendship love
Storge – love and affection for family
Agape – unconditional, sacrificial love (as in God’s love for us)

What if, this Valentine’s Day, we celebrated these other loves in our lives?

Like calling a family member to say, “love you.” Or texting a friend to let her know she is loved. Or even treating yourself to a special treat or activity you enjoy to celebrate self-love. There are lots of options.

As singles, we can celebrate the love we have, not bemoan what we don’t have.

You don’t need to wait to have a man in your life or a woman on your arm to be happy. Choose joy now.

Let’s celebrate love of all kinds. And find new contentment.

Happy Valentine’s Day, friend!

You are loved.

By Jackie M. Johnson

Single on Valentine’s Day? 5 Ways to Be Happy Despite Circumstances

Single on Valentine’s Day? For some, the February 14 heart holiday celebrating all things love and romance, can be challenging if you don’t have a special someone in your life right now.

I know people in the “uncoupled” stage of life who bemoan their single status and gripe to just about anyone who will listen about what they don’t have:

“I just want a boyfriend. I just want to be married. Why does she get a second husband when I haven’t had one at all?”

You probably know single people like that.

I know I do.

Then there are the cynical singles who mock the red heart holiday with snide remarks like, “Who cares? It’s just a Hallmark holiday anyway.”

On a positive note, I know a bunch of interesting and intelligent single women who celebrate Valentine’s Day with friends—they throw a party and just have fun.

Indeed, singles look at this romantic holiday with very different attitudes.

So if you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and you want to not only endure but enjoy Valentine’s Day, you have some choices to make about your perspective and your attitude.

Finding Hope

So here’s some hope–and five (5) helpful ways singles can find more joy on the love holiday—and throughout the year:

1. Know and believe the truth. It’s OK to feel discouraged when you don’t have someone special to love (or like). But don’t set up camp there. Move forward with hope by telling yourself the truth about your identity and your single status.

• God’s Word says you are dearly loved, the “apple of His eye.” He is with you; He is for you. He cares about every area of your life, even your love life.

• Don’t allow one day of the year, February 14, define your identity. Whether you have a significant other or not, you are still worthy of love.

• Being single doesn’t mean that you are “less than” or “not good enough.” It’s simply not true.

• And here’s a fact: You are not alone. Nearly 50.2 percent of us (or 124.6 million) American adults are single.

2. Surrender. Sometimes we hold on so tightly to what we think we want and how the whole dating/marriage thing is supposed to play out.

I have learned that the way to find peace is to surrender, to yield, to the One who loves me most, and allow God to reign in this area of my life. Knowing that God wants the very best for me allows me to trust Him.

In my book When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty I talk about the fact that God is all about love and relationships. But sometimes we try to fill that desire for lasting love with other things, or people, and they leave us feeling empty and alone.

“Often we try to load up our heart and fill the holes with what another person thinks, says, or does when it was meant to be filled by God. He won’t let anyone be our total fulfillment, otherwise we wouldn’t need Him.

It’s not wrong to want a relationship. God is all about relationships…As we put God first in our heart affections, He fills up the emptiness and we are able to receive the love of others, retain it, and give it away.

Perhaps you think because God hasn’t given you someone to love, that He doesn’t care or that He’s forgotten about your desires. God is not forgetful or uncaring. He is constantly at work in the lives of His children, and everything God does is for a reason—even His divine delays.” (When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty, by Jackie M. Johnson)

3. Prepare. Are you ready to be in a relationship? Maybe it’s time to think about getting rid of the garbage in your head and your heart—the stuff that no longer belongs—like bad attitudes about the opposite sex or a critical spirit.

Think about what you really want in your next relationship and how things can be different next time. Was the last guy you dated too serious and you want someone more playful? Did you have a hard time getting your previous boyfriend or girlfriend to attend church with you when that’s an important part of your life?

4. Pray. Ask God to show you what needs to change in your own life to prepare for your next relationship.

What areas of your life need changes—your spiritual life, physical, social, financial and the like.

Also, pray for your future husband or wife. Prayer is talking to God and listening. And He loves talking to His kids. We can come confidently and boldly to Him and ask for our heart’s desire.

5. Choose joy now. Don’t wait to have a man in your life or a woman on your arm to be happy.

Sure, it’s Valentine’s Day and love is in the air. But you, single friend, can choose to have peace and joy in your life despite your circumstances. If you get invited to a pity party, don’t RSVP!

Make a plan to get together with other single friends. Celebrate love of all kinds and send a card (yep, snail mail) to family members or friends to show you care.

Choosing Joy

Instead of drowning your sorrows in massive amounts of chocolate this Valentine’s Day, rejoice in who you are—dearly loved, special and chosen by God.

Despite your feelings, you can choose joy today.

Don’t let one candy-infused, heart holiday hijack your hope.

I, for one, choose to be confident and hopeful—on Valentine’s Day and every day of the year.

By Jackie M. Johnson