Browsing Tag

loneliness

What to do when you feel LONELY?

mountain sunrise with lone hiker 

Do you ever feel isolated or alone?

Whether you are single or married, we live in a time when people are more disconnected than ever.

How can you feel more connected?

The Importance of Connection
We need to connect with other people. In fact, having good, solid relationships reduces stress and improves joy!

Getting together with like-minded people can give you a sense of belonging. Plus, we learn and grow from our relationships with others.

Here’s an interesting example of connection from nature.

In an aspen grove, all of the aspen trees are connected—but underground. While the individual trees stand alone, they are literally “one organism” because their entire root system is intertwined.

Likewise, we need community and connection with others in order to thrive.

Social media is a great way to connect with others, but it may limit a person’s face-to-face interactions and deeper friendships.

On social sites, we may go wide (have a lot of “friends”) but not go deep (have meaningful relationships).

We need relationships of all kinds—family, friends, community, or people we know from church, sports, or hobby groups.

When we choose to intertwine our lives with others we find emotional fulfillment and a heart that serves.

When we build bridges to other people, by connecting in person, and not living just a virtual life, we form connecting links. Friendships are forged, connecting one isolated person to another, and soon community is built.

Getting Connected
We were created to love and be loved. It’s vital to our emotional well-being. But having love in our lives goes beyond romantic love. We can also find fulfillment in the love of family, friends, and others as we learn to build community and connections.

Here are a few ways to build connections in different areas of life:

• Spiritual community with people at church, in a small group, prayer group, missions team, or one-on-one with someone like-minded.

• Social community through a book group, singles group, or coffee with friends.

• Intellectual community with people from work, joining a book group, or other group with people who have shared interests.

• Physical community in joining a sports team, dance class, or workout partner at the gym.

• Neighborhood community can be built be showing up at your local playground, having a neighborhood block party, or mentoring a disadvantaged youth.

• Virtual community is a way to connect with others, to be sure, but make sure it’s not your only connection with other people.

Connecting with God
Of course, the first connection is the most important one—and that’s our relationship with God. Through prayer, we can build a relationship with the One who loves us most.

Essentially, prayer is talking with God. It’s a holy conversation of both speaking and listening.

Your words don’t have to be perfect or rehearsed, just real and from your heart.

Tell God how you feel and what you need. Thank Him for all He has done for you and for those you love.

When you don’t know what to say, even the simple prayer of, “Help!” will reach the loving ears of God. He cares about your love life, your friendships, and your whole life.

Ask God to give you the courage to reach out to another person today or to bring positive, caring relationships into your life.

Make it a priority to make meaningful, in-person connections.

You’ll find yourself feeling less lonely and isolated, and more fulfilled and whole.

***

RESOURCES by Jackie M. Johnson

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When You’re Feeling Lonely: What to Do

Lonely woman

Years ago, I packed up my little red Honda and drove 1,000 miles across America’s heartland to start a new job in a new city.

I found a house to share with roommates, unpacked, and embarked on life in an unfamiliar place.

I loved the incredible view of Colorado’s Rocky Mountains and the friendly people. Yet, I ached for the comfort of people who had known me for years—or decades.

I missed my heart friends.

When I moved west, I left behind family, deeply-rooted friendships, and a church family I loved.

Granted, the move was my choice and I was happy about it. I was following God’s call. But, at the same time, my emotions were a swirling mixture of excitement, anticipation, and isolation.

My heart felt as barren as the miles of endless prairie on the Eastern Plains.

For the first time in my life, I was incredibly lonely.

Of course, you don’t have to move across the country by yourself to feel lonely.

You can be walking on a bustling city street or sitting at a crowded party and still feel disconnected from other people.

Many singles feel the sting of loneliness even more during the season between Thanksgiving and New Year’s because they long for a significant other or they can’t get home for the holidays. Or, sadly, they are disconnected from their family.

“Longing” is a word that comes to mind when I think about the feeling of loneliness.

You want something you don’t have; you yearn for connection.

Sometimes it’s the connection of a specific person you desire; at other times you just want someone to talk to.

Either way, you feel miserable.

Here’s the thing: We were created for companionship and crafted for relationships.

The desire within us to connect is healthy and good. We need connection and community.

In fact, my pastor once said that if God can separate you from authentic community then you’re easy prey for the enemy because you’re isolated and alone.

Resist the temptation to think that having a boyfriend or girlfriend will fill the holes in your heart, or that marriage is the answer to feeling alone.

Instead, set your course on the true and lasting satisfaction of putting God first—and letting God bring you His best as you seek to serve Him.

When I’m feeling lonely, here are some things I try to remember:

I may feel alone, but I’m not. Jesus said, “I am with you always…” (Matthew 28:20). He promised that He would never leave me. It’s good to know the One who loves me most is always there.

When I remember that I am promised God’s presence I find comfort and renewed hope.

The God who made the universe, who knows all things, who has all power and authority wants to be with me. That is mind-blowing good news. What a gift!

Ask God for more of His presence in your life. As your first connection, He is your best connection.

I need to be intentional about building community. Of course, solitude can be replenishing and we all need time to ourselves, but I strive to find balance between being alone and spending time with other people.

No matter how busy or bored we are, we all need live human contact—not just virtual community and online friends. I ask myself, what is one thing, even a small thing, I can do to connect with positive, life-giving people?

I need to find and fulfill my purpose. When I feel lonely, I try to remember the bigger picture in that God has a purpose for each of us. He didn’t create you and me for no reason.

So I try to get alone with God and ask Him what He’s calling me to do in this season of my life.

What has He uniquely crafted me to do and to be so I can make a difference—and be a light? There’ much to be done—people to serve and a world to be transformed. Even if it’s only my corner of the world. 

At times, feeling lonely can be a catalyst—the nudge I need to move forward in a new direction.

How about you? What will you do next? Even one small step will lead you away from loneliness and into hopefulness. 

Here’s to renewed connections and greater joy.

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When You Feel Lonely: Powerful Hope for Living Connected

Loneliness. It’s not a topic most people talk about.

Whether you’ve just ended a relationship and friends are scarce, or you’re so busy at work that you don’t have time for new friendships—there are many reasons we feel isolated or alone.

In fact, we can be lonely because we are physically alone, or we can feel left out or alienated even when we are surrounded by people.

No matter what the reason, it hurts to feel isolated, disconnected or unnoticed.

Loneliness vs. Solitude
But there’s a difference between loneliness and solitude. Sometimes we need the peace and quiet time alone brings; other times we need connection with others.

Solitude can be replenishing after a hard week at work or in our prayer time with God. With the One who loves us most we can pour out our problems to God, ask for help, and thank Him for all He has done for us.

Hosea 2:14 reads, “I will lead you into solitude and there I shall speak to your heart.” In the stillness, in the quiet, we can hear what God is trying to communicate to us. Away from noise and distractions we can absorb truth in new ways.

Loneliness is different.

One definition says that “Loneliness is a painful awareness that we lack close and meaningful contact with others. It involves a feeling of inner emptiness, isolation and intense longing.”

In addition, you may feel feel sad, anxious or inferior because you are unable to connect with people—or connect with a certain person.

The importance of connection
We live in society that exalts self-reliance, and a time when we are more disconnected than ever.

From my living room in Colorado, I can email my family in Minnesota or Facebook with readers in Brazil. Other the other hand, technology may limit a person’s face-to-face-interactions and in-person friendships.

Online, for instance, we may go wide (have a lot of ‘friends’) but not go deep (as in having meaningful relationships with good friends).

We all need to connect with other people.

We can do so by building bridges to other people, and connecting in person, and not living solely a virtual life. Bridges provide a link from one place to another. Friendships connect one isolated person to another, and soon community is built.

Getting connected
We were created to need each other and to serve each other’s needs. Indeed, our longing for love, friendship and heart friends (close friends) is real. It’s vital to our emotional wellbeing.

The truth is, you can build connections in all different areas of life. Consider these areas of community to connect with others:

• Spiritual community with people at church, or in a small group, prayer group, missions team or one-on-one with someone like-minded.
• Social community through a bowling league, mom’s group, singles group, coffee with friends.
• Intellectual community with people from work, joining a book group or other group with shared interests.
• Physical community in joining a sports team, dance class or getting workout partner for the gym.
• Neighborhood or city community can be built be showing up at your local playground, a neighborhood block party, or mentoring a disadvantaged youth.
• Virtual community is a way to connect with others, but make sure it’s not your only connection with other people.

Connecting with God

Of course, the first one to make a connection with is the most important One, with God.

Through prayer and our relationship with God we have the most primary and meaningful connection possible.

Prayer is talking with God, not at Him. It’s a holy conversation of both speaking and listening. Your words don’t have to be perfect or rehearsed, just real and from your heart.

Tell God how you feel and what you need. Thank Him for all He has done for you and for those you love. When you don’t know what to say, even the simple prayer of, “Help!” will reach the loving ears of God.

How to overcome loneliness
• Ask God to make His presence real and close to you today. Ask Him to help you have hope things really can change in your life. You can also ask God to give you courage to reach out to another person today or to bring caring relationships—like friends, family, or other new people into your life.
• Pray. Below are some starter prayers to help get you out of feeling lonely and back to feeling hopeful again.
• Ask yourself: What is one thing you can do today to build a bridge, to connect with another person?

Jesus said, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).

When you know God, you are never alone.

***

Here are some short prayers on Overcoming Loneliness to get you started…


Turn to me and be gracious to me, 
for I am lonely and afflicted.
Psalm 25:16
Lord, You know the pain I am in right now. I feel so empty and alone. I know I’ve been isolated and need contact with other people, but sometimes it’s hard. Will you please help me learn how to build bridges to other people? I need closer friendships. I need close-knit community. I long for it. Help me to overcome and find joy again. I ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.


And surely I am with you always,
to the very end of the age.
Matthew 28:20
Lord, what a comfort it is to know that You are always with me, and that You never leave. So many times people disappoint me. I want to trust and make connections with people, but it hasn’t happened yet. With you, there is peace and stability. You are my strength when I am weak, my true consolation when I am sad. Here in Your presence I abide, I dwell. Thank you for always being near. I am never alone. In Jesus’ name. Amen.


God sets the lonely in families…
Psalm 68:6
Lord, I need you. I have felt alone and friendless lately. Will you help me to get connected with my family, or people who may become like family to me? Will you fill this emptiness in me with Your love, so I can be filled up and have something to offer others? I need community. I need friendship. Please show me where I belong. I want to walk this path of life with others who will build me up, not tear me down. And, I want to encourage others, to give and take. I ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.


What, then, shall we say in response to these things?
If God is for us, who can be against us?
Romans 8:31
Lord, it makes me glad to know that you are for me! You, the One who is ultimate love and ultimate authority designed me and has favor toward me. Thank you. In my desolate desert times I have felt so alone, so desperate at times. But when I remember the truth that You are with me and for me, it releases the pain and fills my heart with hope and joy. I am grateful. And I praise Your holy name. In Jesus’ name. Amen.


More resources by Jackie M. Johnson:

• When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty (How to Get Over a Breakup)
• Praying with Power When Life Gets Tough (Hope and Encouragement for DifficultTimes)
• Hope on the Go (Bite-Sized Encouragement for Busy People)
• Singles Blog


Photo: Jure Širić, Unsplash  



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Singles + Single Parents: Staying Sane While Staying Home During the Coronavirus

We are living in strange and unprecedented times.

Currently, the coronavirus (COVID-19) is spreading across the world. People are staying home and isolating, and not always by choice. In fact, this global pandemic is changing daily the way many of us live, work, worship and play—or don’t.

Schools are closed. Sporting events are cancelled. Movie theatres and restaurants are closed. Even church doors are shuttered (but thankfully many houses of worship provide online services).

It seems like much of American life is closing down —at least for the next few weeks—so we can “flatten the curve” and help slow down the spread of this virus.

Now What?

How do we live in this unexpected, isolated new world?

For one thing, many of us are now working from home or not working at all.

For singles, that presents some new challenges. After days on end without people contact, you may feel lonely and isolated. Staying at home can be hard because we are social beings; we need human interaction.

You can’t go out to eat or to the movies—or even to church events—since most everything is closed, and when you do venture out (say, to the grocery store) you’re supposed to be “social distancing” (staying at least six feet away from other people in public).

Single parents have their own challenges now too, with school closures. Because of the virus, kids are at home all day long. For some moms and dads, this can cause stress and anxiety. But it can also lead to creative “teachable moments” as parents are now the teachers.

More time at home can also lead to a closer and better family life as we consider again what is most important because our focus is changing.

If sports and theatres and restaurants and well, basically all activities are shut down, it forces us to do other things. Perhaps better and more bonding things. That is my hope for families.

Staying Sane and Strong

During this time of uncertainty and isolation, with more time at home, how can you find peace and squelch fear? Help others? Use your time wisely?

Here are six (6) key ways to stay sane and strong during the virus crisis—and throughout life:

1) Keep up your health.

By now, you’ve heard all the basics about staying healthy and keeping up your immune system so you are less likely to get the coronavirus: Wash hands for at least 20 seconds. Avoid touching your face as much as possible. Drink water. Eat healthy foods. Clean your cell phone often.

If you’re feeling lonely or isolated, call or text a friend or FaceTime with someone during your lunch hour to feel more connected. Shore up your emotional health as well as your physical health.

2) Get a handle on fear.

It’s normal to feel fear during these precarious times. No one knows how much the virus will spread or when it will stop. Feeling fearful is only human. It’s what you do next that makes the difference between living in fear or finding peace.

Will you choose worry or trust God?

Peace comes as you remember what God has done in the past. Think of how he has helped you through tough times before, and believe that He will help you now.

Fear says, “I cannot handle this situation.” Faith says, “But God can.”

Remember Peter in the Bible, the one who walked on water when Christ beckoned him to come? When Peter’s eyes were on Jesus, he stood firm. Eyes on the storm around him, he sank.

Likewise, we can keep our hearts tuned to what Christ says, looking to Him, not freaking ourselves out by looking at the turbulent circumstances around us.

Even though you have no idea what’s going to happen, inner strength can replace uncertainty when you shore up God’s truth inside of you.

Read encouraging Bible verses. Listen to praise and worship music. Pray. Keep your mind set so it doesn’t wander.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

3) Feed your mind.

It’s essential to keep perspective when news sources are bombarding the public with a constant stream of stories about the virus. Yes, it’s important to stay informed. But don’t overwhelm yourself by watching too much.

Instead, feed your mind with God’s unchanging truth from His Word, the Bible. This is your weapon against fear, anxiety, depression, loneliness and other feelings.

Truth leads to peace. Here are some comforting verses:

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear…”
Psalm 46:1-2

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7

Greg Laurie, pastor of Harvest Church in California posted a meme on Facebook recently:

“Turn your panic into PRAYER, turn your worry into WORSHIP, turn your fear into FAITH.”

4) Be the church.

A building is not “the church,” we are. The people who go to church can “be the church” to those in need at such a time as this.

Ask your family members, friends, neighbors, church family, and others if they need anything. You can drop off items on their doorstep to keep your social distance.

Donate to food banks (by drive-up, if possible). Keep giving to your church and other ministries (online or send a check in the mail).

Find creative ways to help others. As Christ-followers, we can be a light in a dark world. We can bring hope to the hopeless. And be a helping hand to those in need.

Lead with love. Love your family—even when they’re hard to handle. Love your friends, even though you may not see them as often now. Love changes everything.

5) Use your time wisely.

Spending more time at home can be both a challenge and an opportunity.

If you find that you have more time on your hands in this season, consider how you will use it. Maybe you need to catch up on rest. Or, start writing that book you’ve always wanted to write. Playing music, reading, and maybe even learning to cook with YouTube videos can help pass the time.

Since many nursing homes and assisted living facilities are on lockdown and they cannot have visitors in person right now, you could write a senior a card or letter. Like, a real snail-mail letter.

I heard that during another pandemic, the 1665 Plague of London, Sir Isaac Newton invented calculus. No pressure to invent something, but it made me think that this time away from other distractions could very well produce some good and creative things.

Here’s a great resource for those of you who want to watch helpful, biblical teaching videos on things relating to dating, sex, love and relationships. Author and speaker Brian Kluth has a free resource on those topics, “God’s Road Map for Single and Single-Again Adults.”

6) Get perspective.

Dr. James Dobson offers these wise and comforting words of hope on the coronavirus outbreak. You’ll definitely want to read that.

During this time of change and crisis, you may have to “do without” for a time. Do without hugs when you can’t visit those you love. Do without going out to eat or to movies or watch sports. For some, sadly, it’s doing without an income, not just paper goods or cleaning supplies. (And we can pray for those in need.)

Hopefully, that will lead to a greater appreciation for the people and things you do have. During this time of isolation and closures, choose gratitude. Gratitude leads to joy.

Finally, I believe that this time of virus and isolating will end. It will not last forever. And we will be stronger because of it.

In the meantime:

Stay calm.

Trust God.

And, wash your hands.

Prayer

“Lord, we ask for your help and healing in this time of uncertainty. Please stop the spread of this coronavirus (COVID-19) around the world. Help it to cease soon! Help those who are sick to heal. Help the first responders and medical professionals to stay safe and healthy as they treat others. Provide the supplies they need. And a cure. Be with those who are working at home or in the workplace to be productive, and not feel isolated or lonely. Help us all to stay healthy and keep our eyes on You, not the changing circumstances around us. May we be strong and better people for this, and may this virus crisis end soon. We trust in your goodness and faithfulness. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.”

Drop me a line below. How are you handling “more time at home” while people are isolating because of the coronavirus (COVID-19)?

RESOURCES

For more hope and inspiration, check out these books by Jackie M. Johnson:

Praying with Power When Life Gets Tough
Power Prayers for Women
Prayers with Purpose for Women

Photo credit: bongkarn thanyakij from Pexels

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Feeling Lonely? Isolated? 5 Essential Life Connections

Feeling lonely? Isolated? Too busy with work or life to have a life?

Single or married, I’ve had quite a few friends say to me lately that they feel more disconnected than ever.

Maybe it’s time to take a fresh look at our life connections—or lack of them.

The internet has radically changed how we do ‘people connection.’ From my living room in Colorado, I can email my Dad in Minnesota or Facebook with readers in Brazil.

I can check out the latest decorating ideas on Pinterest, or zip over to Instagram to see what my friends (and people I don’t even know) are up to.

However, spending too much time on technology may limit a person’s face-to-face interactions and in-person friendships.

On social media, we may go wide (have a lot of so called ‘friends’) but not go deep (as in cultivating close friendships).

We all need to connect with other people. And we can do so by building bridges. Because just as bridges provide a link from one place to another, friendships connect one isolated person to another, and soon community is built.

Getting connected
We were created to need each other, to give and receive love and friendship of all kinds, and at different levels.

Connection is vital to our emotional wellbeing.

So take some time to evaluate how you can balance your time on social media with your time building in-person connections. And find more joy and true contentment.

Here are five kinds of “community” to build into your life:

• Spiritual community with people at church, or in a small group, prayer group, missions team or one-on-one with someone like-minded.

• Social community through a bowling league, mom’s group, singles group, or coffee with friends.

• Intellectual community with people from work, joining a book group or other group with shared interests.

• Physical community in joining a sports team, dance class or getting a workout partner for the gym.

• Neighborhood or city community can be built be showing up at your local playground, a neighborhood block party, or mentoring a disadvantaged youth.

Of course, virtual community (online) is a way to connect with others, but make sure it’s not your only connection with other people.

Connecting with God
Of course, our connection with God is primary. Through prayer and our ongoing, daily relationship with Him, we have the most meaningful connection possible.

Prayer is talking with God, not at Him.

It’s a holy conversation of both speaking and listening.

Your words don’t have to be perfect or rehearsed, just real and from your heart. Tell God how you feel and what you need. Thank Him for all He has done for you and for those you love.

When you don’t know what to say, even the simple prayer of, “Help!” will reach the loving ears of God.

Ask God to make His presence real and close to you today.

Ask Him to help you have hope that things really can change in your life.

You can also ask God to give you courage to reach out to another person today, and to bring caring relationships into your life.

Building bridges to others, living connected, and living loved is truly possible.

One step at a time, walking by faith with the One who loves you most, connection is built.

We’re better together!

For more about beating loneliness and other topics from Jackie M. Johnson, click on Hope on the Go and find bite-sized encouragement for busy people. Real Hope, Real Fast!

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