Do you ever have days when you feel like hiding? We all do. Lack of confidence happens for many reasons.
You’ve gained weight.
You’re suddenly unemployed.
You compare yourself with other women whom [you think] are more beautiful, more accomplished, or more of something you think you should be.
Perhaps you’re a new mom who’s hesitant about anything baby-related and wonder, “Am I doing this right?”
Often we feel like we’re not “good enough,” enough of whatever it is you think you need to be what other people want.
You wonder: Does he really love me?
Will people still like me if they knew the real me?
Stop.
Pause for a minute. And know this: On some level it’s normal to question things. But if we obsess and stress about our insecurities all the time, we surely need relief.
OUR PAST SPEAKS INTO OUR PRESENT
You may be highly sensitive to the comments of others because of your own wounded past.
Do you feel unworthy? Perhaps it’s because you’ve experienced large losses in life.
You may have grown up in a home of utter chaos and inconsistent loving.
You may have felt unloved or rejected. If you have been abused or abandoned (physically or emotionally) or belittled, you may have no real “foundation” for secure love—no basement upon which the building blocks of confidence and true worth stand strong. You don’t know what nurture or comfort feel like, and that can affect your level of confidence in the future.
We all handle trauma differently, but certainly the lack of affirmation and encouragement from grownups (parents, teachers, coaches, and others) to help you build a strong sense of identity as a child can lead to a distorted perception of yourself or of God.
So how can you have a healthy self image despite the past–or the present?
DISTORTED PERCEPTION
Lack of confidence and its opposite, pride, comprise both ends of the spectrum. Is there a balance somewhere in between for a healthy self image?
Consider this from my book, When Love Ends about a true sense of self esteem:
Perhaps you’ve seen a woman who thinks she is “all that.” Her smugness and conceit is contrasted with the person who has low self esteem: she thinks she is “none of that.”
She focuses more on her mistakes instead of what she does right. She is often sad or fearful, and her insecurity prevents her from speaking up, taking chances, or moving forward. Whether your image of yourself is too high or too low, ask yourself if your assessment of your self is accurate. Ask God to give you insight.
A woman with a healthy self-esteem respects herself.
She feels secure and worthwhile because of what God says about her.
She has confidence in relationships and in life and generally more joy.
She knows she has significance; she matters.
With her sense of worth and value intact, she sits up straight and walks tall. Her head up, this confident woman is friendly, gentle and kind.
She makes eye contact when she speaks, and she doesn’t constantly apologize for everything she says or does.
Living your true identity
We all have reasons for feeling insecure. But we don’t have to stay there; we have choices.
Instead of living in insecurity, we can choose to live “in security.” That means we are secure in our identity because we know Whose we are.
As you uncover the truth about what God says about you, that confirms who you really are. What does God say about your true identity? Here are just a few things:
Accepted by God – Romans 15:7
Loved dearly – Colossians 3:12
Chosen – Ephesians 1:11
Blessed – Matthew 5:2-12
Friend – John 15:15
Bride of Christ – Revelation 19:7
Child of God – John 1:12
His workmanship – Ephesians 2:10
Citizen of heaven – Philippians 3:20
Light of the world – Matthew 5:14
His co-worker – 2 Corinthians 6:1
Victorious – 1 Corinthians 15:57
Self confidence or God confidence?
The whole issue of having confidence or not resides with what or whom we are putting our trust.
Are you relying on your sense of self or your idea of true beauty from women’s magazines, Hollywood actors or what other people say? If so, your self esteem will quickly crumble.
Confidence is about much more than how a person looks on the outside. God sees things another way. 1 Samuel 16:7 reads, “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
Instead of relying on what others say or finding confidence in your self, you can build “God-confidence” by remembering that He can do what you cannot. In other word, focus on what He can do through you, not your own limited resources.
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RESOURCES
For more hope and healing, and encouraging resources, see Jackie M. Johnson’s books and encouragement blog.
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