dating Archives - Jackie M. Johnson

Boyfriend Treating You Poorly? Know that You Are Worth Being Loved Well!

Questioning your worth and value because your boyfriend (or girlfriend) is treating you poorly?

Cody (not his real name) and I had one of those unhealthy relationships, although I didn’t know it at the time.

One evening we went to dinner with his friends, whom I’d just met that evening. We sat outdoors under a clear southwestern sky on a patio with white lights.

During the course of the evening, he completely ignored me. Not one word. And, we had been dating for well over a year, so I was surprised at his actions.

Near the end of the meal I went to the ladies room and looked in the mirror. My hair and makeup looked great, and I had on a nice outfit. I thought: What is wrong with me? What doesn’t he pay any attention to me?

At the time, I was telling myself that a man’s care for me was based on my appearance, and that what he thought or said mattered most.

I was wrong.

I learned that instead of valuing what another person thought about me, I should have been looking to the truth about what God says about me—that I was lovable and worthy of being treated with kindness, respect and consistent care.

What I came to learn later on was that Cody was a “yo-yo guy.” He was constantly up and down and he didn’t treat me well. He was back and forth, nice and then suddenly unkind. It was crazy-making.

I also learned that my self-worth was not based on what any man thinks of me. And that I had worth and value as a person whether Mr. Self-Absorbed affirmed it or not.

Bottom line: your value as a person is not based on what one man thinks about you.

This anonymous post says it well:

Women are like apples on trees. The best are at the top of the tree.
But most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take
the apples from the ground; they aren’t as good, but they’re easy. The apples at the top think something’s wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

As you allow God to shift your self-esteem from how you see yourself to seeing your worth and value through God’s eyes (that you are worthy of being loved well and treated well) a realignment takes place.

God empowers you to see differently, you begin to act differently.

You change your perception, and you change your life.

By Jackie M. Johnson

How to Know If You’re Dating or Just Friends

Mixed signals can be frustrating. What do you do when someone treats you like a girlfriend (or boyfriend) one minute and then just a friend?

For instance, you and this special person are together all the time. Or, you talk or text a lot. He looks at you a certain way, and seems to want more, but he then ignores you the next day.

Or, she acts like she likes you—and you seem to really connect—and then she ghosts you.

It’s all so puzzling.

I call this “The Unknown Zone”, the peculiar place between friendship and dating where you don’t really know what your relationship is. It hasn’t been defined.

And you feel stuck between “Should I say something?” and “Should I just go along and see what happens?”

How do you know where you stand?

Michelle McKinney Hammond gets to the heart of the matter in The Unspoken Rules of Love:

“If he does not ask you to have an exclusive relationship with him, assume that you are not in one.

Don’t behave as if you’re in a committed relationship when you’re not, Doing so will only entangle your heart and set you up for disappointment and heartbreak.”

Bottom line: If he doesn’t tell you he wants to be in a committed relationship, consider yourself officially “just a friend.”

You don’t want anyone to toy with your emotions and your time. And don’t settle for “friends with benefits.” You are worth being loved well and having a real relationship where the other person acknowledges that you’re dating. Not trying to hide something.

Otherwise, you’re just being used.

In a healthy relationship, the man will initiate, take action, and pursue you. He will respect your boundaries and not cross them with inappropriate physical or emotional actions.

If he is not pursuing you, you’re free to enjoy other options. When you do, you free yourself up for the real and lasting love you desire, not a “situationship” (a romantic relationship that’s uncommitted and undefined).

Someone once said, “The proof of desire is in the pursuit.”

So men, if you want to get to know a woman better, ask her out on a real date. And women: If a man wants to get to know you, you will know his intentions. You won’t have to guess.

And that, my friend, is well worth waiting for.

Jackie M. Johnson is an author and blogger who writes inspiring content on growing a better life, the power of prayer, and encouragement for singles. Her books include the breakup recovery guide, When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty, Power Prayers for Women, and Praying with Power When Life Gets Tough. Connect at www.jackiejohnsoncreative.com.

By Jackie M. Johnson

Single? Great Posts For Dating, Relationships, and the Faith Life

If you’re single—never married, widowed, or divorced—you’ll love my new blog, LIVING SINGLE TODAY (Click on the link and scroll down to read the posts.)

With topics on dating, relationships, and living the faith life, this blog is packed with hope, encouragement, and good ideas for living wisely and well as a single person in the 21^st century.

Here are just a few blog posts for SINGLE and SINGLE AGAIN readers I’ve created so far. Click on each title to read the post.

We also feature great guest posts, like these:

Looking for Love? It’s Not Too Late by Wendy Griffith from CBN News

Dealing with Grief in Your Widowhood Journey by Dr. Bart Brock

As a single person myself, I understand how hard it can be at times–and how wonderful it can be–to be single.

So, check out my new LIVING SINGLE TODAY blog for singles of all ages.

And be sure to tell a friend!

Jackie

By Jackie M. Johnson

Dating Advice: 6 Things I Wish I’d Known Sooner

Dating and relationships can be complicated and messy.

They can also be loving and wonderful–if you know yourself and what you deserve.

But often we settle for less than the best. We compromise too much.

We get used or catfished or dumped because we don’t have a healthy enough self-esteem to walk away.

Or, no one ever modeled good love. So we scratch our heads at how to connect or get close to someone.

Or, we simply don’t know how the opposite sex thinks.

We simply don’t know what we don’t know.

I’ve gone on quite a few dates over the years, and I’ve learned a few essentials. Some dating “basics” so to speak, but these days they are not so basic any more.

We need to learn them.

So if I could go back in time, here are 6 things I’d tell my younger self about dating and life. Things I wish I would have known sooner.

I hope these help you make better decisions in dating.

1. You deserve to be loved well. You, my friend, deserve to be loved—and to be loved well.

Don’t let a guy toy with your emotions or take up your time if he has no intention of dating you.

Don’t settle for players. Don’t let yourself be used or abused just because you want someone to love you. That’s not love.

No 2:00 AM calls or texts to come over and “hang out.” No. You deserve to be treated better and with respect. Have boundaries and apply them.

2. Let him pursue you. A real man who wants a dating relationship will pursue and respect you. He will make his intentions clear.

Sure, it can be difficult for some guys to “man up” and ask you out, but don’t settle for less.

It’s great to first be friends with a guy, and get to know each other, and see if it leads to more. But the proof of desire is in the pursuit.

If he is not intentionally pursuing you, then you are just friends; you are not dating.

A real man will make it known that he wants to be in a relationship with you. You won’t have to wonder or guess.

When he pursues and you respond, you have the best chance for a “spark” of desire to turn into lasting love.

3. Let him please you. By nature, women are givers. We want to please others. But sometimes we do too much—and we don’t let other people do nice things for us.

Believe it or not, it makes a man feel good when he can do something nice for you.

Men want to make you happy—whether it’s fixing your car or taking you out for fresh seafood because he knows it’s your favorite.

Of course, it goes both ways; each person should desire to please the other person. But don’t let it be one-sided. You don’t have to do all the giving.

4. Know what you want—and don’t want—in a relationship. When you’re 17, you want someone who’s “cute.” When you’re 27 or 37 or older, you definitely want more out of a dating relationship.

Recently, a married friend told me that she wished she would have looked for traits in a future husband like good communication skills and conflict resolution skills—important things in a decades-long marriage (or even in your dating life) that some people may not have considered. Know what’s important to you.

5. Know what men want. It’s been said that one of the most attractive things to a man in a woman is her confidence. So go out and be your wonderful self!

In addition, he doesn’t want you to pretend to be someone you’re not just to make him happy. Be real and authentic and honest.

What he wants from you is respect. Admiration. A best friend whom he is also in love with. Someone whom he can trust.

I’m sure there’s more, and each guy is different in the specifics he’s looking for, but those are some general, foundational things to start.

6. Trust God’s timing. No matter how old you are, don’t be in a rush to meet and marry someone. Growing a healthy relationship is like growing a beautiful garden; it takes time.

Even if all of your friends are getting married and you feel left out or lonely, don’t give in to your feelings.

Trust that the One who loves you most, God, will prepare you and bring the best guy for you—if that is His plan for you.

Don’t control the circumstances or try to make things happen. Most often, that’s a recipe for disaster.

When you know yourself and what you really want in a dating relationship, you are closer to finding real and lasting love. You won’t have to make it happen or force it.

You can trust God for His best. And be at peace.

***

For more hope and encouragement from Jackie M. Johnson, check out “Praying with Power When Life Gets Tough

Photo: Adrienne, pexels

By Jackie M. Johnson

7 Powerful Dating Secrets for Christian Women

Dating and relationships shouldn’t have to be so difficult.

I mean, all you have to do is find someone amazing who thinks you’re amazing too.

You meet. You connect. You keep on connecting. He likes you. You like him. You commit. How hard can it be?

Well, for some of my married friends, it seems like a walk in the park.

Take my friends Luke and Becca (not their real names), for example. They met in our church singles group, got married a year later, and had two beautiful children.

Easy.

But not for everyone.

While I am truly joyful for my happily married friends, I also wonder why it’s so hard for the rest of us to find the person who is the best fit and build a life with him.

Maybe they know something I don’t.

Maybe, like me, you want to find “the real thing.” You’re tired of players, users, and “catfishers” on social media who pretend to be someone they are not. You’re confused because the lines between dating and just friends are blurred beyond recognition.

Or, you’re frustrated because you’re not dating at all.

Whatever the case, I choose to believe there are awesome, godly men out there who would love to find lasting love with someone like you or me.

So, here’s what I’ve learned over many years of dating.

You can’t change anyone else, but you can change how you approach dating and relationships. Maybe it’s time for a new perspective.

If I could go back in time and tell my younger self some foundational and important truths about dating and relationships, here’s what I’d say to pave the way for better relationships.

These seven (7) secrets–things I wish I would have known sooner–could very well make your dating life more positive, healthy and joyful.

1. You deserve to be loved well. You, my friend, deserved to be loved—and to be loved well. Don’t let a guy toy with your emotions or take up your time if he has no intention of dating you. Don’t settle for players. Don’t let yourself be used or abused just because you want someone to love you. That’s not love. No 2:00 AM calls or texts to come over and “hang out.” No. You deserve to be treated better and with respect.

What are the other dating “secrets”?

Read the entire post here: 7 Powerful Dating Secrets for Christian Women by Jackie M. Johnson

By Jackie M. Johnson

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