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Dating Advice: 6 Things I Wish I’d Known Sooner

3 women friendsDating and relationships can be complicated and messy.

They can also be loving and wonderful–if you know yourself and what you deserve.

But often we settle for less than the best. We compromise too much.

We get used or catfished or dumped because we don’t have a healthy enough self-esteem to walk away.

Or, no one ever modeled good love. So we scratch our heads at how to connect or get close to someone.

Or, we simply don’t know how the opposite sex thinks.

We simply don’t know what we don’t know.

I’ve gone on quite a few dates over the years, and I’ve learned a few essentials. Some dating “basics” so to speak, but these days they are not so basic any more.

We need to learn them.  

So if I could go back in time, here are 6 things I’d tell my younger self about dating and life. Things I wish I would have known sooner.

I hope these help you make better decisions in dating.  

1. You deserve to be loved well. You, my friend, deserve to be loved—and to be loved well.

Don’t let a guy toy with your emotions or take up your time if he has no intention of dating you.

Don’t settle for players. Don’t let yourself be used or abused just because you want someone to love you. That’s not love.

No 2:00 AM calls or texts to come over and “hang out.” No. You deserve to be treated better and with respect. Have boundaries and apply them.

2. Let him pursue you. A real man who wants a dating relationship will pursue and respect you. He will make his intentions clear.

Sure, it can be difficult for some guys to “man up” and ask you out, but don’t settle for less.

It’s great to first be friends with a guy, and get to know each other, and see if it leads to more. But the proof of desire is in the pursuit.

If he is not intentionally pursuing you, then you are just friends; you are not dating.

A real man will make it known that he wants to be in a relationship with you. You won’t have to wonder or guess.

When he pursues and you respond, you have the best chance for a “spark” of desire to turn into lasting love.

3. Let him please you. By nature, women are givers. We want to please others. But sometimes we do too much—and we don’t let other people do nice things for us.

Believe it or not, it makes a man feel good when he can do something nice for you.

Men want to make you happy—whether it’s fixing your car or taking you out for fresh seafood because he knows it’s your favorite.

Of course, it goes both ways; each person should desire to please the other person. But don’t let it be one-sided. You don’t have to do all the giving.

4. Know what you want—and don’t want—in a relationship. When you’re 17, you want someone who’s “cute.” When you’re 27 or 37 or older, you definitely want more out of a dating relationship.

Recently, a married friend told me that she wished she would have looked for traits in a future husband like good communication skills and conflict resolution skills—important things in a decades-long marriage (or even in your dating life) that some people may not have considered. Know what’s important to you.

5. Know what men want. It’s been said that one of the most attractive things to a man in a woman is her confidence. So go out and be your wonderful self!

In addition, he doesn’t want you to pretend to be someone you’re not just to make him happy. Be real and authentic and honest.

What he wants from you is respect. Admiration. A best friend whom he is also in love with. Someone whom he can trust.

I’m sure there’s more, and each guy is different in the specifics he’s looking for, but those are some general, foundational things to start.

6. Trust God’s timing. No matter how old you are, don’t be in a rush to meet and marry someone. Growing a healthy relationship is like growing a beautiful garden; it takes time.

Even if all of your friends are getting married and you feel left out or lonely, don’t give in to your feelings.

Trust that the One who loves you most, God, will prepare you and bring the best guy for you—if that is His plan for you.

Don’t control the circumstances or try to make things happen. Most often, that’s a recipe for disaster.

When you know yourself and what you really want in a dating relationship, you are closer to finding real and lasting love. You won’t have to make it happen or force it.

You can trust God for His best. And be at peace.

***

For more hope and encouragement from Jackie M. Johnson, check out “Praying with Power When Life Gets Tough

Photo: Adrienne, pexels

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What is Christmas Really About?

Christmas is where it all began,
An infant child who became a man.
Eternity came down so we could understand,
The child of Creator, the true Son of Man.

He was not unexpected, for the prophets foretold
The events that had happened would surely unfold.
Four hundred years later the miracle came,
The star over Bethlehem shone where He lay.

They came to attend Him from near and from far,
The shepherds and wise men who followed the star.
All were rejoicing that first Christmas night,
At the child of a virgin, a humbling sight.

So, what is the meaning of that first Christmas night?
Simply, He came to make everything right.
For the Child had a purpose in coming to Earth.
He came as a light and to give us new birth.

He gave us forgiveness and paid with His life.
What kind of love would pay such a price?
For death could not hold Him; He rose from that grave.
And freedom and life were the gifts that He gave.

No longer divided, no longer alone,
Because of His love the wall had come down.
Live free forever! O, what a gift!
Both now here on earth and forever with Him.

Wise men and angels followed Him then.
Wise men still seek Him, again and again.

— Jackie M. Johnson

 

Photo; A. Vonlanthen, unsplash

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Grateful, Thankful, Blessed: How To Enjoy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Day in America—and you know what that means?

For many, the ready answer is food, football, and family. Holiday tables will be jam-packed with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberries, pies and other delectable delights.

And, in millions of homes, apartments, and condos across the country, people will pause for the annual tradition where each person at the table says what they are thankful for this year.

Whether the answers are serious or silly, this time of sharing helps us to reflect, and to hear each other’s stories, if only briefly.

But for others, the holiday may be lonely. You don’t have a table at which to gather. Or, the family and friends you do spend time with make it difficult to be your true self.

No matter what your situation, here are three helpful ways to ENJOY, not just ENDURE the Thanksgiving holiday.

Let it go

For those who gather with others for the holiday, you may find times of tension from unresolved conflicts in the past or disagreements about major life issues. That is understandable. Most families don’t agree about everything.

So you can set boundaries and plan ahead—before you walk in the door—how you will handle conflict if it arises at your gathering. Your feelings are valid, to be sure. And you can decide not to engage, or not to talk about a certain subject—at least for one day.

Sometimes you just need to walk away. Excuse yourself, and go in the restroom to take a few deep breaths and to pray for strength.

Be grateful

On Thanksgiving Day, we gather to eat, pray and give thanks. We remember God’s merciful provision to the first American settlers hundreds of years ago, and reflect on his goodness to us today.

So, what you are thankful for?

Really good friends?
A loving family?
A steady paycheck?
Living in freedom and peace?
Eyesight?
Gravity?

Make sure to take some time and thank God for all he has done for you.

As for me?

I am grateful for new beginnings. Thankful, that when I was a teenager reaching up to God, He was already there, reaching out to me. Teaching me, over the years about grace, forgiveness, freedom, and peace.

I am thankful that when I pray, God listens and acts. He moves heaven and earth to accomplish His good purposes. And I get to be an integral part of His story.

I am grateful that God meets my needs—and the needs of those I love. It may not always be the answer I want or happen in my timeframe. But God, in His divine wisdom and sovereignty, knows best. And I choose to trust Him.

I am grateful that God is my strength. That His mighty power is at work in me to make real and lasting changes—changes I never could have made in my own human strength.

And yes, I am grateful for wonderful friends and family members. Because connection and relationships give life meaning and purpose—and fun!

Thankfulness, my friend, leads to contentment and JOY!

And so, on this celebration of Thanksgiving, my grateful heart cries out to the One who loves us most:

“For all You are, and all that You have done for me, Lord—thank you!”

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

 

For more resources by Jackie M. Johnson:

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More Powerful Prayers for Money and Finances

Money is always a hot topic—especially when there never seems to be enough. 

But here’s hope, with more powerful prayers for your finances.

I recently wrote a related post on Powerful Prayers: Money and Finances. 

Why pray for your finances?

You can take comfort in knowing our all-powerful and loving God is always there to listen. You can pour out your heart to Him. Your words don’t have to be perfect, just honest and from the heart.

Prayer changes things. And prayer is powerful because God is powerful. He can do anything! Even make a positive difference in your finances. 

When we are humble and surrendered, when we ask and trust…things begin to change.

Here are eight short prayers for money and finances to help you get started.

HELP IN TIMES OF TROUBLE

Trust me in your times of trouble,
and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory.
Psalm 50:15 (NLT)

Lord, my finances are a mess. You know the situation; you know how hard it has been for me. So here I am trusting You to make a way where there seems to be no way out. I surrender my agenda, my budget, and how I think things should happen. I let go and give You my financial burden. I ask for healing and favor to not just “get by,” but to find victory in my finances—to have more than enough and to get ahead! In hard times or good times, I choose to trust You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

GIVING FROM THE HEART

Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.      

2 Corinthians 9:7

Lord, thank You for your provision, and for all that You’ve given me. I am truly blessed. I ask for wisdom for how much to give and to which ministries or individuals who have needs. You know my heart, and I pray that I will be a cheerful giver, openhanded and joyful for all You have done for me. I ask that You would continue to supply my needs so I can keep helping others. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

GOD WILL PROVIDE FOR ME  

Every good and perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,
who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1:17

Lord, what a blessing it is to know that You provide for all of my needs. Even when my savings account seems to be washing away like a summer storm, it helps to know that You are in control. Whether it’s cash, or an item or help that I need around the house, everything You give is a generous gift. Thank you for all You do! My circumstances may change, but You, Lord, never change. Steady and certain, You are totally reliable. Thank you. I praise You. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

 

GENEROUS GIVING 

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly
will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously
will also reap generously.

2 Corinthians 9:6

Lord, I want to be a generous giver. Would you please help me to give generously in my tithe and gifts to others so the resources You provide will get to the hands of those in need? Like missionaries, those in poverty, friends and family members who need help, and others who receive help through the charities and organizations to which I give. Help me to sow finances and reap generously, but more so to sow seeds of great love so I can also reap generously love back. I ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

GET OUT OF DEBT 

The rich rule over the poor,
and the borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7

Lord, I need help getting out of debt. The bills are piling up. I feel like I am in quicksand and I keep sinking deeper. Sometimes I feel so embarrassed, like I should be able to provide for myself. I am realizing that being in debt is like being in bondage to the person or company to whom you owe money. I want to be free! I know that nothing is too hard for You; You are God Almighty. So I ask for wisdom and self control, to get out of debt and to get ahead. I am trusting You and totally relying on You. Please help me. I ask in Jesus’ mighty and powerful name. Amen.

 

HELP US TO STOP ARGUING ABOUT MONEY

Let us therefore make every effort
to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

Romans 14:19

Lord, I am tired of arguing with my spouse over money. We are so different! Somehow savers and spenders connect, and disagree on how our finances should work. Will you please help us to communicate clearly and adjust our expectations? Give us each respect for the other person despite our differences. We are a team, a partnership, and I want to get back to that—and learn to trust each other again. Please give us a better attitude about money and the willingness to compromise and be flexible. I ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

LORD, BLESS MY FINANCES

Honor the LORD with your wealth,
with the firstfruits of all your crops;
then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
and your vats will brim over with new wine.

Proverbs 3:9-10

Lord, I ask and pray in the name of Jesus that You would bless my finances. Would you show me how to honor You in this area? Teach me to manage my resources rightly so I save, spend, and give wisely. You own it all; show me how to steward what is Yours for good purposes. I choose to believe that Your promises are true for me, not just everyone else, and that You will provide for me. Thank you for Your provision and wisdom. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

THANK YOU, LORD!

Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you,
and you will give me glory.
Psalm 50:15 (NLT)

Lord, I am so grateful that You are totally trustworthy. When my life is a mess, when my finances are out of balance or the stock market is plunging like a roller coaster, You are always with me. When I am in a jam, you save me and help me through. Even in my greatest desperation You come through, and I give You all the glory. Thank you. Thank you, Lord. In Jesus’ name. Amen

 

For more hope and encouragement from Jackie, see Praying with Power When Life Gets Tough.

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Powerful Prayers: Money and Finances

Are you—or someone you know—struggling financially? 

It’s pretty common these days, considering our recent runaway inflation. Everything from gas to groceries to housing costs more, and most salaries are not keeping up.

You may feel like you’re in a financial desert—a dry and barren place. Living with lack is stressful. 

And, unless, you have a firm grasp about what God’s Word (the Bible) has to say about money and finances, you will have less peace and joy.

If you’re in a financial desert right now, perhaps it’s time to explore what God has to say about money—and choose to trust God like never before. 

What does the Bible say about money?

God owns everything (Psalm 24:1), including what we feel is “our” money. He gave us the job we have and the ability to earn an income.

God gives us the ability to produce wealth (Deuteronomy 8:18). 

Yet even though God owns everything, he calls us to be wise stewards or managers with our personal finances.

Money can be an emotionally-charged subject. And we all need wisdom on how to save, spend and give wisely. That’s why powerful prayer is essential. 

Praying about how to handle finances is important no matter what your financial status.

When you pray something incredible happens.

Things change. Our hearts change. Our perspective changes. And so much more. 

If you are feeling defeated in your finances, turn to God. Ask Him to help you release anything that is holding you back or gripping your heart in this area.

God loves to surprise and delight his children. Here’s an example. 

When I was in the desert of financial hard times some years ago, I was amazed at how God provided. Like the joy of getting an unexpected check in the mail from a generous friend. Or a bag of groceries when I needed it most. 

Have courage. Have faith. When all seems hopeless, Jesus Christ is your wild hope—and He will provide. 

Trust. Believe. And watch what God does next.

And my God will supply all your needs
according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

POWERFUL PRAYER FOR FINANCES

Hear me, LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Psalm 86:1

Lord, I need help. I feel like I’m always just barely scraping by, and I am tired. I need help with my finance. I need hope. I ask, humbly and boldly, that You would meet my needs with Your amazing resources. I come to you believing, by faith, that You will come through—in Your way and in Your timing. I am grateful that you hear me and will answer me. I ask in Jesus’ mighty name. Amen.

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