Mixed signals can be frustrating. What do you do when someone treats you like a girlfriend (or boyfriend) one minute and then just a friend?
For instance, you and this special person are together all the time. Or, you talk or text a lot. He looks at you a certain way, and seems to want more, but he then ignores you the next day.
Or, she acts like she likes you—and you seem to really connect—and then she ghosts you.
It’s all so puzzling.
I call this “The Unknown Zone”, the peculiar place between friendship and dating where you don’t really know what your relationship is. It hasn’t been defined.
And you feel stuck between “Should I say something?” and “Should I just go along and see what happens?”
How do you know where you stand?
Michelle McKinney Hammond gets to the heart of the matter in The Unspoken Rules of Love:
“If he does not ask you to have an exclusive relationship with him, assume that you are not in one.
Don’t behave as if you’re in a committed relationship when you’re not, Doing so will only entangle your heart and set you up for disappointment and heartbreak.”
Bottom line: If he doesn’t tell you he wants to be in a committed relationship, consider yourself officially “just a friend.”
You don’t want anyone to toy with your emotions and your time. And don’t settle for “friends with benefits.” You are worth being loved well and having a real relationship where the other person acknowledges that you’re dating. Not trying to hide something.
Otherwise, you’re just being used.
In a healthy relationship, the man will initiate, take action, and pursue you. He will respect your boundaries and not cross them with inappropriate physical or emotional actions.
If he is not pursuing you, you’re free to enjoy other options. When you do, you free yourself up for the real and lasting love you desire, not a “situationship” (a romantic relationship that’s uncommitted and undefined).
Someone once said, “The proof of desire is in the pursuit.”
So men, if you want to get to know a woman better, ask her out on a real date. And women: If a man wants to get to know you, you will know his intentions. You won’t have to guess.
And that, my friend, is well worth waiting for.
Jackie M. Johnson is an author and blogger who writes inspiring content on growing a better life, the power of prayer, and encouragement for singles. Her books include the breakup recovery guide, When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty, Power Prayers for Women, and Praying with Power When Life Gets Tough. Connect at www.jackiejohnsoncreative.com.
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